Holy Cow. This is Real.

So, this is actually happening. In 40 days, I’m leaving America.

Peace Corps, Mozambique. 27 Months. Teaching secondary school Math…and so much more.

I submitted my application to the Peace Corps in December 2014, found out that I was invited to go to Mozambique in March, and was finally medically cleared less than two weeks ago. That’s a long time to maybe do something. Even though I’ve known for about two weeks now that this is for sure a thing that I will do, it hadn’t really sunk in. Even after I told United Way that I was leaving my role there for this new adventure, it still didn’t really feel true. Until…

I was on a run on the Katy Trail, preparing for an August 23^rd half marathon in Dallas. (Dallas…13.1…August…maybe picking up and moving to Mozambique isn’t the craziest thing I’ve ever signed up for). Anyhow, I’m running along, aware of the heat and the sun and the sweat and how many tenths of miles I have to go until this run is over and I can eat a sno-cone. Thinking about the extensive packing list and what kind of Chacos I want. Will there be peanut butter in Mozambique? Please goodness let there be peanut butter…

And I thought about the moment of saying goodbye to Lucy. (Meet Lucy--and me-- in the photo below). My best friend, a great listener—and even better snuggler. A true companion. A joyful greeter, enthusiastic walking buddy, the deliverer of sillies when I need them, love when I’m lonely and joy literally every second that I’m with her. Goodbye Lucy. You don’t know this, but it’s not forever. Just two years. I don’t love you any less, in fact this will surely make me love you more (is that even possible?). I will miss you more than ever, probably so much I will be able to physically feel it in my belly. I promise Stephen and Cameron will give you unlimited pets and playtime and snacks. Trust me. I’ll be back. I'm coming back for you. Those thoughts took me into that moment that will happen 40 days from now. And I cried. Right smack in the middle of the Katy Trail on a 100 degree day. By myself. I cried.

Holy Cow. This is real. It’s happening. I’m doing the thing that I am meant to do, and I cannot wait. Every time I think about immersing myself in, and walking alongside people of a different culture I catch a surge of positive energy. But if there was a way to not have to say goodbye to my best friend…well, I would wait for that forever.

The other moment I had that made "yes, this is real" sink in happened this past weekend. I met some new friends through an acquaintance at a grill out, and we were talking about my future Peace Corps service. Someone asked me, “what’s it going to be like?” And I smiled and too-excitedly said “I HAVE NO IDEA!!” Um, what? they said.

My life there will be so different from what I currently know and how I currently live that I can’t even truly picture it. Will I be in an urban apartment in the city? A mud hut in some faraway village? Running water or a well? A stove or a fire? Will I actually need the headlamp that’s listed under “optional” on the packing list?

I. have. No. Idea. And that is so beautiful. I can read all the material I want about life as a volunteer in Mozambique, but I still can’t really fathom the day-to-day. I know that I get to teach students everyday about a subject I am passionate about, work alongside other PCVs towards a common goal, and walk hand-and-hand with community members in an effort to improve quality of life. I will accompany. And empathize. And walk with. And learn from. And it’s going to be incredible and challenging and uncertain and happy and sad and real.

Holy Cow. This is real. Saying out loud, and to strangers, that I have no idea what my life will be like in 40 days from now is a true statement. Possibly the most important thing I can know right now is that I don't know, and I can't know and I won't know until I get there and live it. I HAVE NO IDEA. And at this point, I prefer to not have an idea quite yet.