Thank you, Universe.

So, the moments after you make a solid decision to change “the way things are” for yourself, a feeling happens. For those of you who have ever made a huge decision—huge depends on perspective and I imagine if you are above the age of 14 and reading this, you’ve made a huge decision—this happens:

Is this the right decision?

Is this what I’m supposed to do?

What if it’s not?

What if something goes horriblly wrong?

What if I regret this?

How the HELL am I going to prepare myself for this?

Will I be successful?

For me, I have known for a long time that I would pursue the Peace Corps. Four years of solid “knowing” and many more years of “flirting with knowing”. Yet still, when I accepted my invitation to serve in March, those above questions circulated through my head. This is not just a change. this is A CHANGE. This is like a triple decker burger plus pork and bacon, and 3 types of cheese and jalapenos and a fried egg ain't nobody fuckin around change. Serious business. So naturally I’m going to go through a phase of asking myself questions that I already know the answer to in order to gain reassurance that indeed this is the right path for me. Yes, I already knew the answers:

Is this the right decision? Absolutely. My heart hasn’t felt the drive to pursue anything this strongly.

Is this what I’m supposed to do? Absolutely. Think about the difference you made in Lesotho in 6 weeks—and the difference it made in you—and now times that by two years.

What if it’s not? It is. Shut up. Seriously. Shut. Up.

What if something goes horribly wrong? Like what? This is not some rinky dinky trip abroad with potential terrorists. This is the Peace Corps. They are experts in sending volunteers abroad. The payoff will be worth the reward. No question.

What if I regret this? Consider the regret you would have if you didn’t accept. Would it be less or more than the potential regret from going? MORE. by a LONG SHOT. 

How the HELL am I going to prepare myself for this? You can’t fully prepare. Your heart is prepared to serve. Everything else will fall into place. 

Will I be successful? Why is this a question? Math, love and compassion. That’s like, totally your jam, Sar.

I had an answer to each insecure question, and that made me feel better. I knew that whatever came my way, I could tackle. My whole being would not be so drawn to this opportunity if I was not mentally, physically and emotionally prepared for it. That was reassuring and it gave me confidence to say “yes” when the invitation came. 

Then I got more reassurance in ways that I didn’t expect:

The first was my apartment lease. I thought it would be super costly to break my lease. It turns out that the amount I owed would depend on how quickly the apartment complex could find someone to move into my place after I move out. I would be responsible for all the days of rent between my move out and the new person’s move in. So technically, I could be on the hook for all the rent up until my lease was supposed to end (three extra months of rent) if they didn't find a new resident. Yikes. But instead, they found someone to sign a lease literally the day after I gave my 30-day move out notice. I am responsible for 6 extra days of rent. That’s about 200$ extra. DONE AND DONE.

The second was my car lease. It’s not technically up until October 2016. To turn it in early I would have had to pay ~$3,000. Yikes. I learned about the option of a lease transfer. I would need to find somebody who would be interested in taking my car and taking over payments until the end of the lease. That person would need to be approved by Nissan and therefore have decent credit. I figured it was worth a shot. I posted my car on Craigslist with a description of monthly payment amount, the fact that they could turn the car in next October, and a little blurb about the process required to take over the lease. To my surprise, I received about 40 phone calls from people who were interested in taking over my lease. Disappointingly, when I mentioned the need for good credit, most people admitted that wasn’t their strong suit. Shucks.

I was losing hope until:

I got an email from a lady who was interested. Similar to every other response, I explained the reason for needing good credit and asked her what hers was. She said 525. Not great, but not poor enough to be a deal breaker. I told her the process of needing to apply to Nissan, that there was a $250 non-refundable application fee that I would ask her to pay half of, and that the car wouldn’t be available for exchange until mid-September. We spoke on the phone and she was willing to begin the process. So we had talked on the phone twice, she seemed like a promising lease takeover candidate, and we agreed to meet in person in a public place. Because she doesn’t have a car she can drive around on the weekends, she asked me to meet her at the 7-11 across the street from her. I agreed.

She is a single mother with a 2-year-old daughter. She currently drives a company car, but they only allow her a certain amount of miles per month, which are usually used up by halfway through the month. Then she needs to take a cab to work for the remainder of the month. She makes enough money to afford a car payment; she even has enough money in savings to afford a down payment on a car. However, she does not have enough of a savings to make a down payment and continue to have a savings. She explained to me that she wouldn’t be able to sleep without an emergency fund, since she’s solely responsible for her daughter’s health and happiness. Very respectable. She told me that she had gone to car dealerships before and felt like they were just trying to squeeze every penny they could, instead of being on her side and helping her find an affordable car. She didn’t like that feeling and gave up (car salesman are kind of selfish assholes, sorry if you are one #notsorry). 

On the day we met, she walked over in the August Texas heat with her daughter in an adorable pink stroller. We went in a laundromat to stay cool. She took out a folder with a bunch of print outs of the Lease Transfer Application, her money order for the $125 application fee, a contract that she had written up that explains what the $125 is for and that she understands that it’s non-refundable even if she wasn’t approved. (I did not ask for that at all). She also had pay stubs to serve as proof of income—“thinking one step ahead”, she explained. She must have said 25 times how grateful she was to have found me, and how nervous she was to meet me. She told me that she called and told her dad she loved him, in case I turned out to be a killer #thankscraigslist. I told her I was just as relieved to find out that she was the person she had described herself to be, and relieved to know there would be no knives or guns involved in the transaction. 

After we exchanged paperwork we walked out so she could take a look at her hopefully-future car. She cried. Like real tears. And said “I never thought I would be able to drive a car this nice”. She gave me a hug. A hug that meant business. A hug not meant for a total stranger you just corresponded with for the first time in a laundromat. Like a you have impacted my world and I’m not taking this lightly hug. I hugged back and I meant it. Unexpectedly, my goal of doing good was already fulfilled and I hadn’t even left Dallas. PS I won't keep you hanging: she was approved and the contracts are signed and she gets the car the day before her birthday. Could this have worked out any better? Doubt it.

That was a very impactful experience. For me, it felt like the universe was slapping me on the behind and telling me to keep going, kid. Run fast towards your dreams and good things will happen. I’m grateful that yes, good things are happening for me, but even more grateful that I made a good thing happen for someone else. 

I decided to sell instead of store my furniture. All of it. I posted all of it on Craigslist on a Wednesday night and had an offer for each of the pieces by Thursday morning. Well, that was easy. The couple that came to pick up my bedroom set said it was for their oldest daughter. She had just turned 13 and got her own room. She was the only kid of five that would have her own room. The parents gave her a budget and started scanning through Craigslist to find a deal on something she liked. They came across my bedroom set and the day they came to pick it up they told me she was anxiously waiting for them to get back so she could design her brand new room. The mom said they went and picked out all new bedding yesterday and her daughter was so excited she couldn’t stand it. 

I even found a home for my cat. Her name is Stoli and she’s five years old. I was really concerned that I would not be able to find a home for her because most people want a kitten—they are pretty much the same work as an adult cat except way cuter. When I adopted Stoli as a kitten I made a commitment to give her the best life I could. I knew that having to surrender her to a shelter would cause me to leave that commitment unfulfilled. I put her on Craigslist (no offense Stoli, if you’re reading this) and nobody responded to the ad. My backup plan was to make her an outside cat on my mom’s farm. She was only used to living inside for her whole life and I wasn’t sure if that would be an easy/healthy transition for her. But that was the best I could do...

Until I was joking one day at work about how I couldn’t find a home for a not-super-friendly car (she bites and scratches sometimes, and ignores people most of the time). Side note: I'm learning that this was likely user error: cats don't appreciate being treated like dogs. As I began treating Stoli more like a cat, she became more friendly and less unpredictably mean. Go figure. My colleague didn’t even know I had a cat (Lucy definitely gets the spotlight 100% of the time). She said that her parents just lost a cat and might be interested in adopting an adult cat. After some back and forth (me explaining that Stoli bites sometimes when I try to pet her and keeps to herself a lot--and them explaining "yes, she's a cat"), they decided they wanted to adopt her and we met for a meet-and-greet. Upon meeting them, I knew it was a good fit. They understood cats and their temperament and their disposition to keep to themselves. They understood that cats aren’t dogs (a fact I still can’t seem to completely comprehend). They were really excited to meet her, and I left her with them that day. Since then, I’ve gotten a few text pictures saying that she’s doing really well and becoming very affectionate with the new owners. I think she will have a great life with them and I am so grateful that I was able to find my kitty a loving home. 

Full disclosure: when I left that day without Stoli, I cried. I didn’t expect to because I didn’t feel very attached to her—not like I do with Lucy. But leaving her that day made me realize that she has made an impact on my life and has been an unlikely companion throughout my first five years of adult life. I am grateful for her and I love her very much. I am so glad she’s with a family that will understand her and love her for the rest of her days. Thank you, Jessica’s family, for allowing me to keep my commitment to my first pet. 

So, the point of this post is this: The universe knows what’s up. These little examples of “good luck” I think are way more than that. I truly believe that if this was not the right path for me, things wouldn’t be falling into place so smoothly. Instead:

Apartment lease: Check + minimal fees.

Car lease: Check + improved a stranger’s life.

Kitty: Check + ideal situation.

Bedroom Set: Check + made a little girl’s first room special.

Other furniture: Check + record time.

I’m hearing loud and clear: Go Sarah. Do it Sarah. Be great, Sarah. IT’S ALL YOU BABY.

Thank you, universe. I appreciate you.