The term “estar a pedir + [noun]” in Portuguese means “to be asking for [something]”. For example, I would say “estou a pedir lanche” in order to ask Mãe if I could have a snack. Or Lukey will say, “‘stou a pedir auga” whenever my water bottle is within his sight. Or my Mãe will tell me “estou a pedir leite” when the milk for coffee is near me on the table and she’s preparing her chá (tea).
At this point, y’all are like, “cool Sarah, we now know how to say ‘can I have a snack’ in Portuguese”. And I’m like. Yeah, you do. But actually, I have a point.
The Mozambican culture relies heavily on this phrase because it is a culture of sharing and lending support whenever necessary. Since being here, I have realized that asking for help in America can sometimes—scratch that—most of the time--have a negative connotation. In the States, independence is an extremely valuable characteristic and people strive to do things on their own, and take pride when they complete tasks sozinhos (alone) rather than relying on others. Furthermore, in the States, when a person does need to ask for help, it usually is only asked of close friends, family, or a person who already owes some kind of favor. For example, there were only certain people I would feel comfortable asking to drive me to the airport, to take care of Lucy/Stoli, or for help moving from one apartment to another (#thanksRyan). And honestly, as I’m sitting here typing of this, I cannot even think of other instances where I would ask someone for a favor. I would never ask someone for money, food, or to help me cook something or make something or do something that I could eventually figure out how to do on my own. And I think the reason is two-fold:
- I take pride in being an independent woman living in the heart of Dallas and I don’t need no help from no one!
- I understand that everybody is busy and I would hate to intrude on someone else’s to-do list unless it was absolutely necessary.
If you are an American and reading this and cannot relate to this, then you must live in a commune or something. The busy must-get-all-the-things-done-everyday attitude is a basis of how many of us live our lives. The positive connotation around independence as well effects how we carry out day-to-day tasks, and therefore effects how much we rely on others to #getshitdone. I am not writing to say that this is bad or that this is good; it just simply is. But my value of independence is something that I have not really acknowledged as being a guiding rule for the way I had been living until I came to Mozambique, where I now hear estou a pedir multiple times a day.
So far I’ve mentioned that I have heard estar a pedir in the family setting: Lukey to me, Mãe to me, me to Mãe, Pai to Mãe, etc. And that’s true and probably seems normal even to Americans (please pass the potatoes, mom). But consider this:
We left Namaacha to visit various sites around Mozambique on a Saturday morning. We had to be at the central meeting place at 3:30 am. The central meeting place was about two houses down from my own, which meant less than a 2-minute walk. When I told my Mãe about this, she told me I needed to ask Nelson (my 19 year-old host cousin) to walk me to the place at 3:15am, because there was no way she was letting me walk by myself in the middle of the night in the dark (I know my mom appreciates this but c’mon it was one block).
Me: You’re telling me I need to ask Nelson to wake up literally in the middle of the night to walk me one block? Hell. To. The. No. (I didn’t say that last part out loud).
Mae: Sim. Ele vai fazer isto. (Yes, he will do that). Não é problema. (It’s no problem).
She said this without any emotion. Like, “duh filha (daughter), of course he will”. So then I had to swallow my Independent Woman pride and ask him. And he said yes. No questions asked. Said that he would be waiting at the front door at 3:15 to walk me over. And when that morning came he was there at 3:15am. While I said thank you approximately 417 times, he laughed at me for saying thank you so much and said the same thing my Mãe said: Não é problema. Furthermore, he greeted me with a smile on his face and asked me all about where I was going and what I would be doing. He wished me a good trip before heading home to catch a few more hours of zzzZ. Not only did I not feel guilty about him getting up in the middle of the night for me, but I felt like he was happy to do it. Wow. It was an experience that taught me that when I estou a pedir, I should allow myself to accept the response humbly and without guilt.
Kids also use estar a pedir without hesitation. I can be walking down the street and a child I have never seen before (or at least do not recognize) will esta a pedir agua, if I’m carrying a water bottle; esta a pedir bolacha, if I’m eating a cracker; esta a pedir camisola, if they like my jacket; esta a pedir dineiro, because I’m white and it’s assumed I have money; or best yet: esta a pedir cabelo, if they want to take my hair to the market and sell it.
As an American, my first thought was: RUDE! I don’t know you and you’re asking me for the coat off my back? The small amount of money I earn as a volunteer? The cracker I’m about to take a bite out of? Literally the hair off my head? AND I DON’T EVEN KNOW YOU?! Go home kid, you’re delusional (and socially incompetent).
But that wasn’t the case at all.
These kids aren’t asking me for things because they are rude or socially inept. It’s because the Mozambican culture doesn’t look down upon the idea of asking for things, whether it be support or assistance or physical things. It’s not looked down upon to ask for help, or ask for a thing. Not only is it acceptable to ask things/favors of families and strangers alike, it is also necessary, considering the apparent lack of resources that exists here. Family members would not be able to get basic, necessary tasks done without each other’s help; families would not be able to get by without the help of their neighbors; and the entire community would not be able to function without the exchange of hard work between each of it’s individual members. Estar a pedir is necessary in order for all of us to have the things we need to live healthy and joyful lives.
I’ve also learned that I won’t be able to survive here for two years without asking for help. I have a feeling (and I have been told) that the mães in the market will become my best friends and most helpful allies in the community. So far, I have asked for help finding places, getting dresses made, having meals cooked, figuring out where to buy things, and obtaining materials necessary to do my laundry. If I had not been able to estar a pedir thus far, I would be hungry, dirty and confused. No doubt.
Every day I am learning to, little by little, let go of my Independent Woman I-can-do-all-the-things-by-myself mentality and exchanging it for the humble beauty of estar a pedir.
#thankyouMozambique
#alwaysroomforgrowth
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